How To Overcome Shame And Show Up Authentically

Self Compassion is the antidote for shame- Susan David
Have you ever felt like you don’ t deserve to belong to a group or be a part of a community because of something you did or did not do? Feeling like you are worthless or no one will love to associate with you because you are not at the level they expect you to be.
Shame is an emotion belonging to the sadness family. Shame has been described as a “MORAL” emotion.Shame is usually felt when you feel like you have gone against the moral code of the society. Shame is one of the major reasons people commit suicide.
Shame is seeking isolation from the world.
You hear words like “Body Shame” this simply means you have a body type you are insecured about and people in the community feel it is not acceptable. Shame varies across cultures so it differs from one place to another. The emotion is triggered by your inability to live up to family, society or world standard.Some men have associated being broke with shame. Shame arises from fear of disconnection.
One of my clients struggled with shame for a very long time because he believed that as the first born he should always be the best or first to do everything in his family. Shame made him withdraw from his dreams in order to prove everybody wrong and to prove that he is worthy to be the first born. The first thing i made him realize was he became the first born without his own permission..
Jay Shetty a podcaster once said in order to live an authentic life we all need to filter through Obligations, Opinions and Expectations.
Brene Brown a popular researcher on shame explained that shame allows us to be vulnerable and beneath our vulnerability lies our growth.. We all have experienced shame at different times in our lives. Shame can even arise from feeling that your emotion is inappropriate.
Shame can be embraced and used by
1. Self Disclosure: Shame loves secrecy, the more you hide it the bigger it grows. Reach out to a confidant and tell them what you did. take responsibility for what happened. Shame hates visibility, the more it is see the weaker it gets. Secrecy intensifies shame. You are as sick as your secrets.
2. Practice Self Compassion: Always remember your imperfections make you authentic. Be kind to yourself. Do exactly what you will do for a friend to yourself. The message of shame has been received when you accept your wrong doings and you take responsibility. All human beings are imperfect.
3. Reassess your values: Shame is a violation of moral code. It is imperative to define and align your values with the society if it is meaningful to you. You can’t be feeling ashamed of showing your authentic self in a world where majority is playing the conformity game.
Shame and blame are interdependent. Shame continues to grow when you either do self blame or blame others. Blame is a dis-empowering way of discharging pain and discomfort.
NB: Shame and guilt are not the same. Shame is going against society moral code. Guilt is violating personal code.

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